After the fluid was drawn off the first time we waited. My sister and I checked on Mom as much as we could. I think she wasn’t sure if she should be annoyed or grateful. My Mom’s sister from Minnesota was also checking in. Mom tried to put on a brave front and we all tried to sound as encouraging as possible but it was a rough few weeks. I had been doing research on my own since the first day and hadn’t really considered cancer. Because of the lung virus she had years ago I automatically went to that thinking that it was back with a vengeance or had morphed into something new. The information that I found on what Sarcoidosis of the Lungs could do after 20 years was not encouraging either. It can cause the lung tissue to harden to the point of preventing proper breathing, Lung Fibrosis and there is no way to reverse the condition. There were also a few heart and lung issues that could cause the fluid. None of the options were good but cancer was still a side note that I hadn’t seriously considered. We had a planned family gathering just across the border in Warroad, Minnesota for July 4th. My family was coming from Colorado and Oregon; I was excited to see my cousins. My Mom had also been excited to go to her 50th school reunion that weekend. She had talked about it for months. Then the doctor called and needed to see Mom right away a few days before we were to go to Warroad. There were cancer cells in the fluid. But where was the cancer? Breast cancer is a typical answer but Mom had regular mammograms her last one almost a year before. The doctor scheduled another mammogram and a few other tests. And told Mom she couldn’t travel to the States. It was too dangerous. She tried to hide it but she was heartbroken. And so were we. That trip to Warroad was different. We had gone to Warroad without my Mom before but this time I knew without question that she would never go back. We went out to my Uncle’s (her brother’s) house and answered questions; very difficult questions. Everyone was concerned. Trying to understand what was happening and why. As we sat around the table I listened to my Aunts and Uncles tell childhood stories and I slowly looked around the table feeling time slow and my thoughts took over. I was incredibly sad as I realized that this was our new reality. Mom wasn’t coming back home. I went off on my own a few times to think and cry. I walked over to my Grandparents old farmhouse and sat in the yard trying to hear wisdom in the wind. I felt incredibly alone and desperately wished that my Grandma was there to give us some advice or just to talk to. I cried for all of us as a family and the changes we were all about to go through. I cried for my Mom and the sadness she must have been feeling at being left behind and unable to see her family when she needed them most. I cried for myself because I knew that nothing would ever be the same again. This was it. We were embarking on something huge and scary. I talked to my Uncle and Aunt from Colorado. With them living so far away I wanted to be sure that he understood more than anyone else how serious I felt this was. That my gut was telling me it was much worse than we knew at that time. That weekend was so very painful but it was also one of those moments in time where time seems to stop for you to soak up whatever you can get before it all falls apart. And thankfully I was aware of the moment – they are so easy to miss if you aren’t watching for them.