End of a Break

I have been taking a break from blogging.  Well, a break from publishing my blogs.  I have been writing but then part way through decide that I need to say something else and start another one.  So I have several partially completed blogs that may surface in the near future.  I needed this break just to think my way through the last month.  It was not an easy month with lots of ups and downs.

But here I am on the other side of the last month as well as a year of remembrance, grieving and recovery.  I am not saying that everything is “normal” but I am finding the new normal.  When I started blogging about my Mom’s illness I had hoped to be done by the first anniversary.  But I slowly realized how aggressive that plan was.  I just wasn’t prepared to deal with it so quickly.  As I write these blogs I really am dealing with the content.  They aren’t just words on the page I take them seriously and process them as I write.  So I realized that I had to go at the pace of my heart, not my head.  And now that I have passed the one year mark I have to say that my feelings concerning my Mother’s illness and death have changed.  As I had hoped they would.  The stabbing pain is gone and has been replaced by smoldering memories.   I am beginning to feel the relief.

When I realized that the pain that I was writing from was gone I wondered if I should continue to blog about my Mom’s illness.  I have gone back and forth several times.  And have decided to see it through.  The recount will no longer come out of a desperate plea for relief but a desire to have a written account of what we all went through; especially Mom.  My Mom suffered in relative silence my entire life and I want to end that silence.  She deserves a voice and a light needs to be shed on the suffering that comes with chronic and terminal illnesses.  I also have a few other things that I feel more ready to share about myself and my life.

Thanks for sticking with me.

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