I have many Mom pieces but the most recent and last pieces are the freshest and I feel like I need to write about them.\u00a0 I need to cleanse my mind a little.<\/p>\n
Pasith and I had been noticing that Mom was slowing down in the last 3 or 4 years before she was diagnosed with cancer in late June of 2009.\u00a0 Not able to walk as far, not enough strength in her arms to hold our son for more than a minute when he was born, not wanting to drive farther than the 20 kms to my sister\u2019s and generally a little slower.\u00a0 My Mom had chronic illnesses for a long time.\u00a0 Nearly all of them connected in one way or another to the body\u2019s reaction to trauma.\u00a0 There is more and more research being done to connect the long term physical effects of emotional and mental trauma.\u00a0 Mom had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, usually associated with soldiers, long before it had been officially identified.\u00a0 Also the hormonal and chemical changes that happened when my Dad was killed and I was born so shortly after had a profound effect on her body that was destined to lead to health problems later on.\u00a0 I had a sense that she would not make it to her 70th<\/sup> birthday for a very long time.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a morbid thought; I just didn\u2019t know how her body would hold up to the assault much longer.\u00a0 And I saw how she suffered and I didn\u2019t want her to suffer any longer than she had to.\u00a0 Her 70th<\/sup> birthday would have been this coming December 24th; 1 year and a week after she died.<\/p>\n Christmas of 2008 Pasith and I started to notice some weight loss and a small change in her skin color.\u00a0 And as Spring progressed and she no longer wanted to walk the block and a half to the mail box I started to get concerned but kept it mostly to myself.\u00a0\u00a0 She wasn\u2019t able to travel to Warroad to visit with family that March and I think the family started to wonder a bit because she wouldn\u2019t miss seeing her brother from Colorado easily.<\/p>\n I started having nightmares around the middle of April of 2009 that my house was falling down.\u00a0 I would wake up several times a night or not sleep at all.\u00a0 The basement stairway fell apart.\u00a0 The roof caved in.\u00a0 The walls would fall in on themselves.\u00a0 The windows would break.\u00a0 The roof flew off.\u00a0 It was a different scenario every night sometimes we were in the house and hurt from the falling debris and other times we weren\u2019t home and would come to find the devastation.\u00a0 \u00a0After 2 months of nightmares I was exhausted and sick most days.\u00a0 Poor Pasith didn\u2019t know what to do for me.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t understand what the dreams were about until after my Mom was diagnosed.\u00a0\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t my physical house that was falling down it was a \u201cwarning\u201d of what was to come.\u00a0 My family was going to be thrown into devastation. \u00a0\u00a0And we risked falling apart if we weren\u2019t careful.\u00a0 The nightmares started to go away after her diagnosis and now I haven\u2019t had one in a long time.<\/p>\n My Mom had a follow up appointment for an EKG in mid June of 2009.\u00a0 She was very nervous about it.\u00a0 There were a lot of heart problems in her family and she was scared.\u00a0\u00a0 I told Pasith that I knew that something was coming.\u00a0 But it wasn\u2019t the EKG.\u00a0 I knew that the next test would be bad; I just didn\u2019t know what it was.\u00a0 I was very worried about her. I have many Mom pieces but the most recent and last pieces are the freshest and I feel like I need to write about them.\u00a0 I need to cleanse my mind a little. Pasith and I had been noticing that … Continue reading
\nTo be continued…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"