{"id":20,"date":"2011-05-20T22:49:24","date_gmt":"2011-05-21T03:49:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/?p=20"},"modified":"2011-05-21T09:40:25","modified_gmt":"2011-05-21T14:40:25","slug":"the-mayjune-piece","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/?p=20","title":{"rendered":"The May\/June Piece"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/strong>I have some old and some new topics for my blog but this one just feels perfect for the time of year we are in.\u00a0\u00a0 As I mentioned in yesterday\u2019s blog my Dad was murdered just before I was born in June of 1976. And believe me; I will elaborate on that subject in the blogs to come.<\/p>\n

When I was growing up the months of May and June were not easy.\u00a0 Around Mother\u2019s Day I would notice the change in my Mom and I knew we were in the May\/June zone.\u00a0 May was kind of the wind up to June.\u00a0 There was nothing definitively different in her behavior; it was more of a feeling; tense, quiet.\u00a0 But then when June came she was jumpy and her Post Traumatic Stress symptom of forgetfulness, among others, would flare up.\u00a0 As June 12th<\/sup> approached she would withdraw and become quiet.\u00a0 And then on the 12th<\/sup> she may talk about it or not.\u00a0 And shortly after the anniversary of my Dad\u2019s death was, and is, always Father\u2019s Day.\u00a0 Now I understand how difficult that day must have been for her.\u00a0 My Mom\u2019s Dad passed away when I was 3 and to not have your Dad or your children\u2019s Dad to celebrate must have been very hard.\u00a0 As we got older she made a bit of a joke out of it and said she was lucky because she got to celebrate both Mother\u2019s Day and Father\u2019s Day.\u00a0 She must have been in great pain while attempting to keep the normalcy.\u00a0 After Father\u2019s Day are my Dad\u2019s birthday on June 24th<\/sup>, and then my birthday on the 25th<\/sup>.<\/p>\n

As you can imagine these were not easy times.\u00a0 When I was young she made the best of my birthday.\u00a0 But then I started to slowly plan my birthday parties on my own, partly because I loved planning them, but as I look back she was slowly pulling away from my birthday.\u00a0 There were some birthdays where I would have a sleep over with friends and I hardly saw her.\u00a0 She would go out or go in her room.\u00a0 I understand it now and thankfully I didn\u2019t really notice it when I was younger.\u00a0 Then as an adult I noticed that she didn\u2019t always remember my birthday.\u00a0 Some years I just let it go by without a word, others I would work it into the conversation.\u00a0 She would always feel bad when she remembered a few days after and I didn\u2019t want to make it worse for her so I would just brush it off.\u00a0 I began to understand trauma and its effects at an early age.\u00a0 And I know that she had problems remembering other dates as well, not just my birthday but it is still a reminder of what I was born into.<\/p>\n

For me June was very difficult as a child.\u00a0 I would have horrible nightmares all the time as a kid but they seemed to get a lot worse during that month.\u00a0 Being chased, shot at, stabbed, stalked, house broken into.\u00a0 Things a 3 or 4 year old just shouldn\u2019t wake up to.\u00a0 I would run to my Mom\u2019s room and sleep the rest of the night with her.\u00a0 Most of the nightmares went away as I got older; but not the June nightmares.\u00a0 They came back every year until I was pregnant with my daughter.\u00a0 I had been so worried that I would have the nightmares and somehow pass that terror and stress on to the baby.\u00a0 But they went away that year.\u00a0 They reoccur every once in a while but not even close to the frequency they once were.\u00a0 And every year as I got older I would be very conscious of my Mom\u2019s feelings during May and June; wondering how she would handle it that year.\u00a0 Three years ago she finally admitted that she was having problems, and had problems in past years, with depression around the anniversary.\u00a0 I was glad to hear her finally admit how hard it was.\u00a0 The last few years seemed a little easier on her, which we were all thankful for.\u00a0 I think she somehow knew that it wouldn\u2019t be long.\u00a0 My Mom passed away on December 17th<\/sup>, 2010 after a lengthy illness.\u00a0 And I have to wonder how this year\u2019s May and June is going to go.\u00a0 Have I been marking the anniversary of my Dad\u2019s death differently than I would for myself because of my Mom?\u00a0 Out of respect or not wanting to hurt her?\u00a0 Will I sail through it without issue?\u00a0 Will it be more difficult because my Mom is gone?\u00a0 I guess we\u2019re about to find out.\u00a0 Now, the months of May and June have gotten even more interesting since I\u2019ve known Pasith.\u00a0 Our wedding anniversary is on May 27th<\/sup>.\u00a0 His Dad passed away on May 29th<\/sup>, 2008.\u00a0 Pasith\u2019s birthday is on June 1st<\/sup>.\u00a0 I have a feeling we are in for one amazing roller coaster every year.\u00a0 But I hope that we can find the joy in the memories.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have some old and some new topics for my blog but this one just feels perfect for the time of year we are in.\u00a0\u00a0 As I mentioned in yesterday\u2019s blog my Dad was murdered just before I was born … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[1,7],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=20"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26,"href":"http:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20\/revisions\/26"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=20"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=20"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=20"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}