Nothing feels right. Everything is wrong.
\nI am in complete disbelief that my cousin Mike is gone. I know all the platitudes and the reasoning. \u00a0Reason and reality are for later. Grief and disbelief are here now.<\/p>\n
I know that Mike is in a better place and I am truly happy for him. It\u2019s the people left behind that\u00a0I’m\u00a0worried about. They are in a far worse place right now. And I want to be in that place with them.<\/p>\n
I\u00a0couldn’t\u00a0stop shaking for about 12 hours. And when I allowed myself to think about it I started again for another few hours. I think that stage has passed, at least for now.<\/p>\n
Food\u00a0doesn’t\u00a0taste right, my breathing is different. I have a hard time getting into a deep sleep. The world is moving too fast \u2013 or\u00a0I’m\u00a0too slow \u2013 not sure which one. Decisions feel like walls. \u00a0Hours disappear…<\/p>\n
I try to keep myself busy but then suddenly hit a wall; fight the dizziness, the nausea, the exhaustion and work to find my footing again.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know which way is up. I feel like I have fallen into deep water and\u00a0I’m\u00a0fighting my way to the surface but\u00a0I’m\u00a0not sure where it is.<\/p>\n
I believe we are all connected and one of my connections is gone. We have to learn how to live with a new reality; a new normal. Nothing will ever be the same again.<\/p>\n
I am no stranger to feelings of grief. I know the stages, I know my pattern. I know that I will find the surface again.<\/p>\n
None of this compares to the unimaginable grief that some of my family members are feeling right now. \u00a0There is no positive spin at the end of this blog. \u00a0There is just space for grief.<\/p>\n
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Nothing feels right. Everything is wrong. I am in complete disbelief that my cousin Mike is gone. I know all the platitudes and the reasoning. \u00a0Reason and reality are for later. Grief and disbelief are here now. I know that … Continue reading