I wrote the following letter to my Grandma Pearce, my Dad’s Mom, shortly after she passed away February 12th, 2009.<\/p>\n
Dear Grandma,<\/p>\n
You are missed.\u00a0 You are truly missed.\u00a0 It hasn\u2019t been all that long since you left us for a better place.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t want you to go, but at just shy of 96 I guess its ok.\u00a0 You\u2019ve had your time here and you are more than ready to move on.<\/p>\n
I can only imagine the joy you felt when you saw Grandpa, Uncle W and my Dad. \u00a0How it must have felt to be with Grandpa after 30 years, and my Dad after almost 33 years.\u00a0 It had been a long wait for you and I\u2019m sorry for that.\u00a0 You went through so much loss in your life.\u00a0 I\u2019m so glad that you got it all back.\u00a0 It must have been an incredible welcome.\u00a0 Did they show you the sites?\u00a0 Did they meet you at the gates?\u00a0 What did you ask God first?<\/p>\n
I miss you so much.\u00a0 I don\u2019t grieve for you so much as I grieve for time lost.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what happened.\u00a0 I was suddenly grown up, our time was almost up and there was no way for me to make up for the lost time.\u00a0 How does that happen?\u00a0 How do we get so wrapped up in our lives that we don\u2019t realize the time passing and the relationships that get sacrificed along the way?\u00a0 I know that I have said this to you before but I can\u2019t help feeling like it is never enough.\u00a0 There was a time when I didn\u2019t have control over our relationship.\u00a0 There was nothing that I could do to change the situation.\u00a0 But, I did grow up and I did have choices.\u00a0 And I didn\u2019t make the right one.\u00a0 It is painful for me to think that I had a part in extending or increasing your heartache.\u00a0 I should have been there for you more.\u00a0 I was your lost son\u2019s daughter, one of your last connections and I wasn\u2019t there.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t see it until it was too late.\u00a0 I now remember how you used to look at me, searching for any sign of your son, looking for a gesture, a movement, a characteristic.\u00a0 I wish I had given you more chances to catch a glimpse of him.\u00a0 I know that you are with him now and that is a comfort but I wish I could have lessened that ache while you were here.<\/p>\n
I know that you are at peace with your life now.\u00a0 You are in the presence of God and your family.\u00a0 I know that you forgave me in life and I know that you now understand all the reasons for everything that happened and I have to admit that I envy that.\u00a0 I wish I knew all the answers right now.<\/p>\n
There is a box of things that Auntie A dropped off today sitting in my living room.\u00a0 I keep looking at it wanting to open it.\u00a0 But I can\u2019t.\u00a0 It\u2019s confirmation that you are gone.\u00a0 I\u2019m not used to seeing you all the time so it doesn\u2019t always feel real.\u00a0 Once I open that box it\u2019s real.\u00a0 We, the living, are so selfish.\u00a0 Even though I know that you are so happy, and with your family, I want you here with me on this imperfect planet with pain and tragedy.\u00a0 Why do we do that?\u00a0 Why can\u2019t we just be happy for those that are lucky enough to escape and move on with our lives?\u00a0 I guess you know the answer to that now.<\/p>\n
Grandma, I am so happy for you.\u00a0 I love you.\u00a0 Thank you for your legacy.<\/p>\n
Love, Lisa Allyn<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I wrote the following letter to my Grandma Pearce, my Dad’s Mom, shortly after she passed away February 12th, 2009. Dear Grandma, You are missed.\u00a0 You are truly missed.\u00a0 It hasn\u2019t been all that long since you left us for … Continue reading