{"id":217,"date":"2011-11-28T23:04:55","date_gmt":"2011-11-29T05:04:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/?p=217"},"modified":"2014-09-10T22:23:33","modified_gmt":"2014-09-11T03:23:33","slug":"waiting-for-relief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/?p=217","title":{"rendered":"Waiting for Relief"},"content":{"rendered":"

Tuesday, November 16th<\/sup>, 2010 I cooked Mom her last meal of sweet and sour meatballs, rice and sliced carrots.\u00a0 That night I sat with her, listened and talked with her as she came into reality after 18 months of denial.\u00a0 Friday, December 17th<\/sup>, 2010 Mom passed away at 6am.\u00a0 The small steps towards death that we witnessed every day dragging us to a finish line that we craved and dreaded all at once are what I am now reliving.<\/p>\n

The sadness in my Mom\u2019s eyes as she realized that she would not watch her grandchildren grow up.\u00a0 Her realizing that her death would cause her grandchildren pain and grief.\u00a0 Small joy at who was waiting for her on the other side.<\/p>\n

Taking our last wheelchair walk.\u00a0 Walking down the hall to the mail for the last time.\u00a0 Walking across<\/p>\n

her apartment for the last time with her walker. \u00a0Discussing funeral arrangements as if planning a family gathering.\u00a0 Moving her hospital bed into the living room and setting up what would be her final living space. \u00a0Her taking the one step and turning to sit in her recliner for the last time. She would never eat a meal at the dining table again.<\/p>\n

Only being able to wear hospital gowns. \u00a0Never getting out of bed again because it took 3 people to help her to stand.\u00a0 Seeing the effects of starvation start to take effect.\u00a0 No longer being able to sit up. Having random conversations about pall bearers over and over. \u00a0Stealing moments to go in the back bedroom to take deep breaths.<\/p>\n

Not able to turn herself over in her bed.\u00a0 2 people needed to turn her.\u00a0 3 people needed to turn her.\u00a0 Feeling through the gown how much smaller she had become.\u00a0 Convincing her to take pain medication.\u00a0 Learning to give morphine.\u00a0 Needing morphine before she could be turned.\u00a0 Never knowing when the pain would take over and she would have to be sedated. Her ever constant sense of humor.\u00a0 No longer able to lift her head.\u00a0 No longer able to hold a cup to drink.\u00a0 Giving her sips of juice with a straw.<\/p>\n

Thankful that she no longer feels hunger and has stopped asking for food.<\/p>\n

The rest of us playing games late into the night to keep her company. \u00a0Starting coffee at midnight.\u00a0 Time no longer exists in apartment 101. The blinds are always closed.\u00a0 The low level of light is the same no matter what time of day or night it is.\u00a0 Music playing 24 hours a day.\u00a0 Having the same conversation over and over for many hours. Her waking up and telling us she was disappointed that she was looking at us and not heaven.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not fair.\u00a0 Why do they get to go and I\u2019m still stuck here?\u201d\u00a0 In response to hearing of family members passing before her; then saying that she must still be here for a reason and to not refuse any visitors in case they need to hear something that she has to say.\u00a0 Mumblings and ramblings 24 hours a day; doing our best to listen and converse.\u00a0 Almost constant praying and conversations with God as if he was standing beside her holding her hand.\u00a0 \u201cHe knows everything so I don\u2019t have to.\u201d<\/p>\n

She is no longer able to drink.\u00a0 Wiping out her mouth with a sponge.\u00a0 She is no longer able to see.\u00a0 Not recognizing pictures of family.\u00a0 Her having her eyes closed for hours and suddenly opening them wide as if startled and not knowing where she is.\u00a0 Knowing that my Mother was starving to death and there was nothing I could do.<\/p>\n

Never seeing her cry a single tear.\u00a0 Visitors coming to say goodbye day after day. Thankful she is no longer thirsty and asking for something to drink.<\/p>\n

The following strange and morose checklist that became normal:\u00a0 Have her feet started to turn blue yet?\u00a0 How many seconds between breaths?\u00a0 Have her hands or feet started to swell? \u00a0Has her pulse changed? \u00a0Has liver failure begun?\u00a0 And being slightly disappointed when nothing had changed.<\/p>\n

Waiting for her relief.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Tuesday, November 16th, 2010 I cooked Mom her last meal of sweet and sour meatballs, rice and sliced carrots.\u00a0 That night I sat with her, listened and talked with her as she came into reality after 18 months of denial.\u00a0 … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[8,7],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/217"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=217"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/217\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":291,"href":"https:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/217\/revisions\/291"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=217"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=217"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/puzzle-peace.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=217"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}