I have incredible childhood memories of Christmas.\u00a0 My Mom had a difficult time with Christmas because it was my Dad\u2019s favorite holiday so we traveled.\u00a0 My sister and I thought it was great, we had no idea what all the traveling was all about until we were older.\u00a0 My Mom couldn\u2019t stay home with all the reminders so she would take us to family in Saskatchewan, Ontario or Minnesota.\u00a0 It was a great distraction for her and we had a great time wherever we went.\u00a0 We usually ended up in Minnesota for New Year\u2019s with her family.<\/p>\n
The evening that school ended for the holidays Mom would invite one or more of her friends over and we would have a big dinner.\u00a0 The anticipation of where we were going and the fun we knew we would have was better than the gifts to come.\u00a0 After dinner we would open gifts and get packed to go away.\u00a0 The next morning we would leave for up to a week.\u00a0 We would come home for a day or two and then be gone for New Years coming home in time to go back to school.\u00a0 There were fewer gifts but we didn\u2019t care.\u00a0 Those trips are some of the best memories of my childhood.\u00a0 The big gatherings, snowmobile rides, games, cousins, tucked safely away in a little house in the woods or quiet evenings on the farm eating caramel popcorn while in pajamas, going on the hay rack to feed the cows even if you couldn\u2019t feel your fingers and toes, waking up to the smell of breakfast on the wood stove and being compelled to take your feet from under the warm blanket and touch the cold floor before reaching for thick socks.\u00a0 Opening presents was somewhere down the list compared to all of that.\u00a0 I miss it desperately.<\/p>\n
And now I have memories with my husband and children, their first Christmas\u2019s.\u00a0 Waking up to my daughter trying to entice us out of bed with a huge smile jumping up and down, tobogganing, bundled up, hot chocolate, cousins, gatherings.\u00a0 Not as dramatic as in my childhood but still cozy and happy. \u00a0We have also continued the tradition and belief that presents are secondary to the experience of Christmas and the birth of Jesus.\u00a0 It\u2019s about creating memories, not debt.<\/p>\n
So when my Mom passed just before Christmas last year I was really upset because I didn\u2019t want her death to tarnish these memories.\u00a0 Because of my life long issues with June, when my Dad died I have been really concerned that the same thing would happen with Christmas.\u00a0 I have been bracing myself, prepared for the worst.\u00a0 I seem to be faring better than I thought that I would, especially for the first year. \u00a0One thing that helps is that I know that it would break my Mom\u2019s heart to know that any of us had lost \u201cChristmas\u201d because of her death.\u00a0 She understood the pain of loss and grief and that was her greatest worry in her last days.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t want us to experience what she had endured for so long.\u00a0 And I want to honor that. \u00a0I also know that I have a choice.\u00a0 I can choose to make new traditions while treasuring my memories.\u00a0 It\u2019s not easy but I know the possibility is there.\u00a0 And I am not willing to give up Christmas.\u00a0 Death has taken so much from me; I\u2019m not giving this up as well.\u00a0 Unlike June I have Christmas memories to hold on to.\u00a0 I have a time of joy to return to.\u00a0 I have hope for Christmas to return better than ever in our home.\u00a0 And if I can do this with Christmas I just might claim June one of these days.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have incredible childhood memories of Christmas.\u00a0 My Mom had a difficult time with Christmas because it was my Dad\u2019s favorite holiday so we traveled.\u00a0 My sister and I thought it was great, we had no idea what all the … Continue reading