I was dreading Christmas this year and the all too familiar anniversary grief.\u00a0 I really didn\u2019t want it to ruin Christmas for my husband and kids.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to be the \u201cdowner\u201d at every event and yet I know that I need to give myself the freedom to grieve.\u00a0 It\u2019s a fine balance.<\/p>\n
So, having a family get-together yesterday on the anniversary of my Mom\u2019s passing and in Steinbach no less was very daunting.\u00a0\u00a0 Could I deal with it?\u00a0 Would I make a blubbering fool of myself?\u00a0 Should I even go?\u00a0 But I was determined to be there for my husband and kids.\u00a0 So I arranged to have time for myself for several hours during the day and decided to go.\u00a0 Driving into town was difficult.\u00a0 I felt like I went back in time.\u00a0 It was last year all over again, just without the snow.\u00a0 Drove past the funeral home and then her last apartment and I could feel the anxiety rising.\u00a0 I had told my husband that if I needed to I might just leave for a bit to have some time alone but I made it through with just a few quiet times downstairs.\u00a0 My husband\u2019s oldest brother came down and told me that my Mom was on his mind for the last few days and we shared a few tears and a few stories when I confirmed that it was the anniversary.\u00a0 He had gone to visit my Mom several times in her last few months and my Mom loved it.\u00a0 He brightened her day, and wore yellow; her favorite color. \u00a0My Mother-in-law and I also shared a hug and a few tears.<\/p>\n
When we left and drove back through town was when I started to see it.\u00a0 I was saying to my husband that I was just so happy to be going home with him opposed to last year when I had stayed at my Mom\u2019s apartment with my Aunt.\u00a0 And I started to think of the days to come this week compared to last year.\u00a0 I\u2019m not making phone calls and planning for pall bearers, I won\u2019t be at a funeral tomorrow etc.\u00a0 And I realized that it is all better from here.\u00a0 Every day this year will be better than last year.\u00a0 The pain and grief will be less every day.\u00a0 I have faced the worst of it and survived.\u00a0 I know that I will still miss her and there will be tough days.\u00a0 But I also know that I am moving forward.<\/p>\n
I see the light at the end of the tunnel.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I was dreading Christmas this year and the all too familiar anniversary grief.\u00a0 I really didn\u2019t want it to ruin Christmas for my husband and kids.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to be the \u201cdowner\u201d at every event and yet I know … Continue reading