Well, I have to admit that country music is not my favorite.  But there is one song that sticks with me.  Garth Brooks “The Dance”.  It always reminds me of my Mom, my parents.

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you’d ever say goodbye
And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn’t I the king
But if I’d only known how the king would fall
Hey who’s to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I’d of had to miss the dance

–          Written by Tony Arata

I always wondered if my Mom regretted marrying my Dad.  Did she wish that she had stayed in Minnesota?  It would have been so much easier.  Safer.  I wouldn’t blame her if she did have regrets.  It wasn’t my most burning question but I didn’t think that I would ever know the truth.  In my Mom’s last year, especially in her last weeks we had conversations that I never thought we would have.  She was so much freer than I had ever seen her.  I know that this is the natural instinct when death is near but I didn’t know if this would be the case with my Mom.  I’m thankful that it was.   But even with her new found freedom of thought I didn’t think I could ask her this question.  I didn’t know if I could handle the answer.

A few weeks before she died she was talking about my Dad and suddenly just said, “I don’t regret any of it.”  My heart skipped and I wanted to be sure of what she was saying so I asked if she was talking about marrying my Dad.  She said, “Yes.”  She said that it hadn’t been easy.  It had been very painful but she didn’t regret those three years they had together.  It had been worth it.

That is what I want to remember today, June 12, 2011.  35 years after my Dad was murdered and my Mom was left to raise us.  It was and is worth the pain.