It was around 11:30pm when the surgeon came to talk to us. He said that there were a lot of tumors throughout her abdomen, more than they had expected. They had gotten the majority of it but it had been just too much so they had to leave some behind. They had also done a colostomy; what Mom, along with the rest of us, dreaded the most. The surgeon said that someone would let us know when they were bringing her back up to her room. So we waited and waited. We got restless from exhaustion so we started wandering. We couldn’t find anyone – it was about 1:30am. So we went up to her room, but she wasn’t there and the nurses hadn’t seen her yet. So we went up and down the elevators looking for good vending machines, and got a little giddy from hunger and exhaustion, well that’s my story anyway. We finally shared a little bag of chips and went back down to the surgical floor. Still no Mom so we sat there for a bit and went back up to her room and there she was! We had somehow passed her in the elevators. She was hooked up to everything and the machines were making a lot of noise so we left. But now what? It’s about 2:30 by now so we decide that we should try to get some sleep. So we go to the end of the hall and each took 2 visitor arm chairs and put them together to sleep on. Auntie went and found some pillows and I think we may have dozed a little. We woke up at 4:30, checked on Mom and decided we needed some food. So we went to find breakfast at 5am. The coffee was extra good that morning. We went back to the hospital and Mom was still sleeping so we checked in with the nurses and just sat for a while.
Then I decided that I needed to make some family phone calls. I had called and texted my sister a few times through the night to let her know how things were going but I had Aunts and Uncles that would be worried. So I went down to the hospital atrium and called them one by one before they all left for church. I not only had to tell them how Mom’s surgery had gone but we had also had a meeting with the Oncologist during the week and I needed to give them an update.
The Oncologist had an incredible bedside manner, and she needed it. She made it very clear that Mom’s cancer was not curable. She never used the word terminal, never gave a timeline or a date which I was thankful for. My Auntie A, my sister and I were all there with Mom and it was very difficult to listen to some of the worst news possible in this situation. I kept looking at Mom I was so worried about her and saw that soon after the doctor started talking Mom checked out. She just glazed over and didn’t really listen to what was being said. I can’t blame her for not wanting to know. The doctor also said that they still didn’t have any answers as to what type of cancer Mom had. They had sent off the pathology to the Mayo clinic in Minnesota and a lab in Toronto to see if they could get some answers. There were about 3 or 4 doctors that had opinions on what the cancer was but they couldn’t agree so they sent it off. I think Mom was in awe of how many people were involved in her case. We were all baffled at the situation. It is quite rare to have 2 independent cancers at the same time so the doctors wanted to be extra sure of what was happening.
After I updated the family and some friends the morning after her surgery I went back upstairs and tried to rest. The phone calls were so draining. Just repeating over and over that my Mom had terminal cancer was so difficult but it prepared me for much worse phone calls to come. I wanted to be there when she woke up and for part of the day to be sure that she was okay. I stayed till about 7:30 that night. I know my Aunt was there but can’t remember when she left. I hadn’t hardly been home all weekend and had to get ready for work the next day. I couldn’t stop shaking as I sat in my kitchen trying to process what we had all been through. My kids rightfully wanted my attention but I just couldn’t focus and could hardly speak. I still don’t know how I made it through work the next day. I’m thankful for understanding management who let me take breaks when I needed to just go for a walk or go in another room to cry or take a phone call. I’m not sure how I would have made it otherwise.