Almost a year ago I went to a conference on Forgiveness for family of murder victims. It was an amazing experience and I learned so much and a few things I hadn’t expected. I came in straight from work across the city a few minutes late and everyone was seated for dinner. So I picked the closest chair trying not to be too obvious. I had been looking forward to this conference but between house, kids, work and my Mom I hadn’t had time to really look at the brochure. They were all going around the tables identifying themselves and adding a descriptive word to their name. I had about 10 seconds, or at least it felt like it, to decide my name and description. My mind was blank. The man that I was sitting beside quickly said, “Laughing Lisa”. And I laughed. How did he know? I had never met this man. I didn’t realize at the time that he was one of the speakers and in fact all three speakers were sitting at my table. How did this man see right through me in about 30 seconds?
Nicknames have never really stuck with me, thankfully. My Grandma T. called me her “Little Lamb” as a baby but that was the last nickname I’ve had. But Laughing Lisa has stuck with me personally for the last year. It reminds me how important laughter and joy are even in the tough times. My laughter is not always out of pure joy. Sometimes it is to cover up anxiety, nervousness and even pain. But for about a year it was even hard to laugh through the pain. And this man gave me these words at the right time because the months ahead were only going to get more and more difficult closer to my Mom’s death. I needed the reminder to keep joy and laughter in my life. And I am grateful to him.
In high school people knew where I was in the school because they could hear me laughing. And some people only knew me because of my laugh. Now as an adult I get complimented on my laugh and told that it is very contagious. I always say if you think mine is good you should hear my kids. They have the best belly laughs.
I come by my laugh very honestly. Both my Mom’s and Dad’s side of the family love to laugh. My Grandma T. believed in the health of laughter. She believed fully in having a belly laugh a day to stay healthy. So if she hadn’t had her laugh for the day she would call her sister and they would tell German jokes until they were in tears. Let’s just say the first time in my lifetime she had so much as a cough I was married and had a child. Maybe she was on to something.
My Mom continued the theory of laughter with my sister and me. Even when she was sick over her last year and a half we laughed about most things. She just kept saying, “If we don’t have humor now what do we have?” I think it kept her sane during some very dark days. The first time Mom was in the hospital she had a roommate that was a gift from God. She was amazing. The doctors came one day and told my Mom that her situation was not looking good. They didn’t know what or if they could do anything for her. Unfortunately, she was alone at the hospital at the time, which upset me. But one of the nurses told Mom’s roommate to keep Mom laughing. She was going to need it. So she made it her mission and I have to say she succeeded. The nurses wanted to be in their room. It was so cheerful and so peaceful. Everyone noticed how “good” it felt in that room on the 7th floor. Mom’s attitude was amazing for her condition. And her condition improved over those 5 weeks. She had a new resolve. The surgery took care of the tumors but the laughter took care of her mind.
From the time she got home from the hospital until she passed away humor was very important to her. We joked about everything. Something negative we made it smaller by making fun of it. Like colostomy bags. Nurses, like “The General”, that were less than perfect, chemo, loss of hair, morphine. She even made us laugh while we discussed her funeral wishes. Oh do I have stories to tell and I will tell them. The home care workers had the same reaction as the nurses. They all wanted to be at my Mom’s. It was so peaceful. It was rare that my Mom didn’t have a joke or a funny story to tell. My Mom was joking with everyone till the evening before she went into a light coma the day before she died. She was hardly able to open her eyes or speak more than a few words but she could wink, smile or make a quick snide remark.
So I have to ask myself, if she could make people laugh and feel good as she lay dying in a hospital bed in her living room. What reason do I have to not laugh through whatever comes?