Pasith’s Dad passed away 3 years ago today. It is one of those days that I will never forget. But, it’s his life that is more important than his death. I am not the expert that I would like to be on my Father-in-law, Bpoo (Laos name for Grandpa), but I will tell one story from my perspective. There are many more to be told.
Bpoo was quiet with sadness in his eyes. His losses were many; family, friends, war buddies, and his country. He had a justifiable anger in him that wasn’t always aimed at the source, but isn’t that the case for most of us? Pasith took me home to meet his parents and I remember the big smile on his Mom’s face as she nodded hello to me. His Dad was in the kitchen and he was busy; didn’t look up. But I saw a look in his eye that said he did not approve. I didn’t take it personally and didn’t think much of it at all. I was 16. A few days later Pasith told me that I wasn’t allowed at the house if his Dad was home. Pasith didn’t take this too well and I think this is where he and his Dad are a lot alike – they are both fighters. They both fight for what they believe and who they are. Well, Pasith pushed back a few times. I told him that I didn’t want to make trouble between the two of them. But Pasith said that it wasn’t fair that I was being shut out because I was white and he was going to prove it to his Dad. He was 18. But for me I understood that this country was not of their choosing, even though it had provided safety it had also brought them pain. And now he was losing his son to this country. They were hanging on to their culture for dear life and I was there to ruin a part of that. For Pasith, he was and is a Canadian and our relationship only made sense.
His Dad put up a wall for a year, hoping I would go away. It was hard on Pasith; he felt that his Dad just needed to get to know me. I told him it would all happen in time. And it did. After a year Bpoo finally realized that I was there to stay and said that I was allowed over to the house. A year after that Pasith and I got married. After the wedding we were at his parent’s house where they were having a huge party and his Dad asked us into the back bedroom. He told me that I was now their daughter and a Laotian. I was very touched. They each gave me a hug and we never looked back.
There were a million questions that I wanted to ask Bpoo over the years. I wanted to know him and what had happened in his life. But the language barrier prevented me from asking most of the questions as well as the fact that I didn’t want to pry into subjects that were so painful for him. So, when he got sick I knew that my time was up. I was never going to know him. Now that is 2 fathers I would never know.
A few months before he passed away Pasith and I went to see him in the hospital. Bpoo suddenly got serious and was trying to tell me something but couldn’t get the words right so he got Pasith to translate. Bpoo said that he owed me an apology. I was stunned and asked what and why? Bpoo said that he had mistreated me in that first year and that he was truly sorry for what he had done. He asked for my forgiveness. I said there was nothing to forgive; that I had understood his reaction then and now.
Bpoo was a loving and doting Grandpa to my children. Alex won’t remember him but we have pictures. Sidney spent a lot of time with him and it was a very deep loss for her. I had so hoped that my children would not know death at a young age like I did. Bpoo said she was his breath, his life.